My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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