dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
