I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
