It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
