dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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