So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
