I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
soo... how was my night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
