we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
