Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
