i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
