oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
