Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
