Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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