please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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