umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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