I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
