my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
4 words: hood of his car
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my liver is dry heaving
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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