A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
