watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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