and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
