i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
