I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
did you just send me my own nude
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
