Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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