i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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