These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
