don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
