So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
