Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
