the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
