Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
