He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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