Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
