Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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