We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
