ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
