Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
