Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
