good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
