I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
