do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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