I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
