he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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