dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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