Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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