marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
