Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
