so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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