You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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