I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
