He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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