he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my poor anus
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
